Ladders and Shoots

It’s funny, not really but let’s just say it is, how I can start feeling better and then I start slipping again.  Much like the childhood game where you climb the ladders to advance, a turn or two you go down the slide and end up near the beginning of the game; again.  

I want, desperately, to be better.  To genuinely be happy again, even for just a few minutes so that I can remember what it is like.  I need to feel truly happy again, to laugh from my belly and have my face hurt because of all the smiling.  I yearn for tears of joy to fill my eyes instead of the blood of my souls pain.

I am tired.  Tired of being sad, depressed, feeling like I am the worst person in the world, fighting every day and night against an unseen foe.  I am tired of pulling myself out of the trenches reaching for the next patch of earth to dig my fingers into as the very earth I am climbing out of fills my mouth as I try to breathe.

Can I please, at least, have a minute of pace to stand and gaze upon the rising sun before I’m pulled back down into the darkness once again?

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